Kisha’s World

I Can’t Sleep.

Yes, those are the most hated words, well, at least tonight when they are said over and over again by the Princess.  The same 4 yr old who if she would just sit still long enough and close her eyes is actually so exhausted, she would just pass out.

11 fucking pm.  She is FINALLY asleep.  Thankfully, in her own bed.  Let’s see if I still manage to wake up in the middle of the night to feet in my back.

Who was the genius who thought this shit up?

Don’t know what vanity sizing is?  Some clothes want you to feel good about yourself.  So, when you try on clothes, and you know your a size 16, the 16s are too big, so you have to try a 14..and lo and behold, they fit!!! Wow, I’ve lost weight, or at least inches….or you are a victim of vanity sizing.

Granted, some bigger women may love the vanity sizing…I HATE it.  When I first started losing a lot of weight is when I first noticed it.   I had a pair of shorts from almost 10 years ago that were a size 16.  I don’t know why I held onto them, I just did.  As I was losing, they became beneficial to me.  I would try them on..ohhh almost.   Then…I went shopping.  I was in between sizes..I thought.   I tried on some 16s.  2 different brands, one pair of shorts, one skirt..they both fit.  I thought…woooooot I did it. I bought them both.  Then I went home.  Of course, the first thing I did was try on my old shorts.  They didn’t fit.  I was crushed.  Then I decided to pull down a lot of my pants and compare.

The new clothes, were about an inch larger in the waist than the old shorts.  The new clothes were also only marginally smaller than the size 18’s I had in my closet.  It was such a disappointment to realize I hadn’t lost as much as I thought.

Now, I know some places are bad about vanity sizing.  Old Navy is one of them their shirts run HUGE.  I also try on multiple brands and sizes and compare before I’ll admit to myself that I’m a smaller size.

Right now, I know I’m between a 12 and 14.   I can wear some medium shirts, but in pants…I am a large…until today. Normally I try on everything, but I was lazy today, and did the hold up to me thing and bought a pair of loungy pajama’s.  They had a medium, and a large.  I knew the large shirt might be a little large..just looking at the size, but the large pants was what I needed.   OHHHH hell no, because I bought the large…and the pants are baggy, and the shirt is huge =o(

I know I am a large.  I am fine with being a large, because at my worst I was a 2-3x so, I really am fine with large, please stop trying to make me feel better about myself by putting a Medium size on what really would be a large, and a Large tag on what would actually be an XL.  I have a 4 year old, sometimes I need to just glance at a size and buy.

After I got yelled at by 462, I suppose it’s time to update again.   I know…I am like the shittiest blogger..but whatev he loves me anyways lol

So, since tomorrow is the last day of the first month of the year, I figure I will tell you what all I did this month.

In addition to my washer flooding my hallway not just once…but twice (what a fucking mess) I have….

Read 6 books  (still trying to find out how I do that and still go to sleep nlt midnight)

Built 3 big furniture items.

A Corner Cabinet, and the doors

A kick ass puzzle bookcase

And, a storage bed for the Teen.  It will not be totally finished until tomorrow…have to wait to add poly on to it, so no picture yet, but it is really similar to this Will post pics once it’s all together and set up in his room.

462 comes home in 2 weeks!!!!!!   And, I started house hunting this week.  All this in addition to my normal track shit LOL

Today started off as a normal day. Since I just got finished with a project, it was time to give the house a good clean.  It’s Friday, and the dishes didn’t get done last night and I decided….fuck it.  They can wait till the Teen gets home from practice today…because well…I’m sick of the dishes.  Soooo I’m cleaning and I get a phone call.   It went something like this.

Me: Hello?

Her: Is this Kisha?

Me : Yes this is Kisha

Her: I’m so and so’s wife, and he told me to call you if I needed a ride somewhere

Me:  :::jaw on the floor:::

Seriously.  I shit you not.  Now I am a keyspouse, and I am here to help the spouses while their AD Airman is deployed, however…being a taxi is not one of the services I provide.  But..I am a nice person (sometimes) and since she can’t drive, and it was a bill that needed to be paid, I told her I could help her out this time but that I was in the middle of cleaning to give me a little bit longer and I would call her before I go to get her.

I finish cleaning, have a load of laundry in the washer and go to take a shower.  Dummy me forgot that I was washing towels, in hot water, so the hot water in my shower didn’t last very long.  Have I mentioned it’s a little chilly in FL right now?  And that I have no heating vent in my bathroom?  Needless to say..it got pretty cold.  Get out, wrap up in a towel, and go to plop Mia on the couch bundled up while I get dressed.  Walk down the hall  ::squish squish::  WTF?

Hear water rushing.  Turn off the washing machine, and go to inspect.  Rushing sound does not go away with the washing machine turned off.  I look behind the washer, the drain hose disconnected from the bottom of the washing machine water is gushing.  Here I am in a towel, climbing on top of the washing machine to get back down behind it to plug this fucking hole back.   Finally get it plugged…

Water is fucking everywhere. Sadly when whoever designed our cookie cutter houses did it, they decided the laundry room closet would be in the carpeted hall way.   My fucking carpet was soaked.  I get dressed and pull out the carpet cleaner to start getting the water out.  After emptying the 2 gallon container about 3 or 4 times and it hadn’t even made a dent in the carpet I knew I was in some serious shit.   Sooo I bite the bullet and call housing maintenance to see what they can do.   First guy comes to see how bad flooding is, he tells me next guy will be here soonish with the water extractor.

Meanwhile I am starting to stress because I promised this chick I would take her somewhere, and here I am dealing with the fucking mess from hell.   So I call her to tell her that I haven’t forgotten, I am just dealing with water..and she says…Oh someone already took me.   WTF?!!?!?!  You couldn’t call me to tell me you had gone already?  Seriously?  ugggg.

Anyways, I get my laundry closet cleaned and dry dude comes to clean up the water in the carpet, with my messy ass kitchen plainly in view.  Rips up the carpet and tears out the padding underneath.  Tells me hell be back Tuesday to lay new padding down.   Ok…I clean up some more then go to get the Teen from practice.   As I’m standing out waiting and talking to another parent I randomly look at my bumper.

THE FUCKING TAIL LIGHT IS BUSTED OUT!!!!!

How and when this happened I do not know.   I haven’t hit anything.  the Teen hasn’t hit anything so no clue wtf happened, all I know is now I have to get it fixed.

Is it bedtime yet???

So… since I have had a lot of people ask me how I have lost so much weight, I decided I might as well try to write it up.

To truly understand how I lost so much, first you must understand at least a little bit of how I got so big to begin with.

The biggest culprit..depression.  I was depressed for a long long time.  I found solace in the internet. It sometimes seems like at times my whole world revolved around the computer.  It started off in AOL chatrooms, and progressed to various message boards over the years. Majority of my best friends, I had never even met in person.

Obviously being on the computer as much as I possibly could, I wasn’t doing much else but sitting on my ass.  Not very healthy.  In addition to being almost completely sedentary, I would only eat maybe one time a day.  Obviously because I hadn’t eaten anything else, my one meal was often a BIG one, often way after 6-7….followed by…yup, more sitting on my ass in front of the computer.

I did go on medication, but it really didn’t change my habits (read addiction) at all.  Then, I got pregnant with the Princess.  I thought since that was a huge part of my depression, that I would be better, I came off all my happy pills while I was preg..and stayed off them for a while.

In Nov, or Dec of 09 I realized I wasn’t maintaining as well without the meds as I thought I was and opted to go back on them and that is where my road to weight-loss began.

After going back on the meds, I started to notice a difference.  A major difference, even though it was the same med and dosage as I had previously taken, I had never felt this type of difference before.   I actually wanted to get up and do something.  Not feel like I had to read everything on the comp..which would suck up most of my day.

I had always been involved in the Teen’s school and sports ….some, a little here and there.  I decided to really throw myself into it.  I saw a need and wanted to fill it.  I NEEDED to be around people IRL. Not just my friends online.

Doing so much, I was out and about more, and I started eating lunch.   I was also losing my desire to sit on my ass all day.  I didn’t want to be tied to the comp, I wanted to be up and out, or I wanted to clean my house instead of just going through the motions doing whatever I needed to do to keep bare minimum clean.

All of these things added up to me no longer just sitting on my ass day in day out.  And that added up to a lot of surprise as my clothes kept getting bigger and bigger on me.  In the beginning I didn’t even own a scale, so I had no idea unless I got on the Wii what my weight was.

By starting to eat lunch, I finally got my metabolism going again, it also helped me to not have such huge helpings at dinner.

That is how the weight started falling off. At first, I was worried, because I lost like almost 20lbs in one month.  I even went to the dr to make sure there wasn’t some other cause.   After we figured out there was no health cause for it, I rolled with it.  I did try to work out some.  I would do some walking, I even did a little weight room with the XC team this summer, but I couldn’t really stick to that.  What I did stick to, continuing to eat.  I try to eat 2-3 times a day. And I really don’t sit on my ass that much. When I sit too long at the computer now, I get bored and have to get up and do something else.  In fact, I love 462 really I do, but sometimes it drives me insane to sit and talk to him on the computer.  I love that he realizes I’m not at the comp much so just messages my cell phone instead =o)

I have made very few changes in terms of what I eat or drink.  Food wise, I still pretty much eat whatever I feel like.  I still don’t make the healthiest of dinners, we do eat a lot of boxed/frozen foods, I just don’t eat as much at one sitting as I used to.   The couple of things I did cut out….my fruit punch.  I used to drink a lot of it.  I had cut out soda a long time ago, and fruit punch was my drink of choice after I did…but it was sooooo sugary.  I started drinking more water, eventually I switched to drinking either water or crystal light lemonade. Good Stuff.   I think the biggest thing I cut out…my venti triple shot mocha’s from starbucks.   I am not even lying when I say I would have at least 1 a day..sometimes as many as 3 in one day, cutting them out was not only for how many calories…but also I was spending a shit ton of money there.

And that…is how I lost it.  The key for me…getting happy, off my ass, and eating.   Now my big thing is I have to try to exercise or something to tone up.  Currently how I am working on that is instead of using a power sander…I am using a hand sander, not a lot but I figure why not make my hobby work for me. lol

Ok, so I popped my ambien (so be prepared for lots of fuck ups in this post) and start getting drowsey while I’m reading…then the munchies hit. Now I don’t just want any munches, I would KILL for something sweet. WTF Thankfully I had a thing of cinamon rolls I could pop in the oven, but really I never have sweets in the house. For that matter I don’t even have any munchie snacks.
Please don’t let these go right to my tummy. Please. Must get more small healthy sweet things for when I get this sweet tooth urge. But now, it’s almost 11 and time for me to go eat my cinnamon rolls. mmmm yummy

So, as I have mentioned, I am the Co-President of the Track & Field Booster Club for the Teens team.  The hardest part of this job is fundraising. The track team gets NO money from the district, and it does take a lot of money to run the team.

A few examples…not all of the meets are free, there are some that you have to pay to enter.   I know..I know.  You’re thinking well why go to the ones you have to pay for.  Simply put, we need the competition these meets provide.  Our team was 2nd place at state last season, to continue to be that good, we have to run against good teams.  We just can not get that same competitive edge going to a free tri-meet or whatever.   Plus, the meets that we pay to go to, are very well put on, and they do awards.  We don’t need awards, but it is a nice thing for the athletes, the Teen loves his little collection of medals from XC and Track.

Another huge one is buses, these are not free.  Thankfully we have 2 drivers who are certified to drive buses, saving us from having to pay for an actual bus driver, the price for that is fucking obscene.

I tell you these little things, so that I can share a gem of an email received last night. This person emailed this first to a few parents (not me or my co-president) the Coach, the Principal, the Athletic Director..and..even the  superintendent of the district re: our jump from a 150$ requirement last season to a 250$ this season.  She later fwd’d the email to as much of the team as possible, including athletes.   Note, I am not posting the entire email…just the highlights.

I am also requesting that AD and Principal take over the track team’s financial situation and pay the money that was lost from last year’s team. I hope that the school will appoint someone with a financial background to keep the books. –With this I get the impression she thinks we pocket the money.  When we collect money, we have to deposit it with the book-keeper, when we want money, we have to get it from the book-keeper.  We can not even host a fundraiser without going through proper channels and getting approval to collect money.

So…I had to buck up and write a well thought out, nice toned, informative letter in my official title.  It was hard.  Because all I wanted to say was you fucking dumbass. Why don’t you get your ass to a meeting and see what we have to raise, why and how hard it is to make this team work.  Then of course, I also really wanted to tell her…well you know, we could save a lot of money by going from a no-cut team..to a cut team.  And then..well it likely wouldn’t matter to you since that change could likely make your child ya know…cut. LOL

The principal emailed me back (she knows me…and how hard I work for the team) after the crackhead sent out her second email, asking me not to reply to her again, basically what the crackhead is I guess wanting the school to pay for all our fees so that the athletes and parents don’t have to, nice thought, but seriously? Our school needs money as it is no way they can pay for all the sports too.

I love weekends, not for the reason that most people love them, seeing as I am a SAHM I don’t do the work thing, well for money anyways.   No I love it because the Teen is home.    See during the week, the Teen obviously goes to school, then he has practice that normally ends between 4 and 5ish.  Of course, that ends up we don’t get home most times till 530ish on a late day.  Then, it’s dinner and homework for him which is sometimes a 4 hour affair.  Damn those honors and AP classes.  All of this means, the Teen really does not have a lot of time to help me clean the house during the week. Let me tell you it really fucking sucks.  I have to balance cleaning, building and the Princess, since to keep my house from falling into total trashdomness  I hold myself to making sure it is semi clean before I start working on whatever building project I want to do.

SOOOO the weekends mean  Yo Teen.  Get your ass up and clean the kitchen, I’m going to the “workshop” (backporch) to build!! Ohh your done with the kitchen, get your shit out of my fucking living room now!! I’m having fun with power tools.  Yes…an entire weekend of slave driving.  Ohhh how I love them.

So, hopefully 462 will appreciate this…2 posts in as many days.  I dunno though, he didn’t even let me know he read yesterday.

So, as I have mentioned I have started building furniture, and I love it, however I was getting frustrated because I d/l google sketchup, and couldn’t figure out how to use it to design my own stuff.  Don’t get me wrong, I have been able to sort of design my own stuff…Like I cheated on my DVD stand, and simply used the same design as my previous cheapo kind, and just made it bigger like I needed, and I adjusted the plans for both the Teen and the Princess’ desk.  But, it’s not nessicarrily easy when you try to do that, and you are a shitty drawer.  Really Shitty.  And now the Teen wants me to make him a new tv stand in his room.  We of course, using my favorite site ever, found a good plan, but would have to be modified to fit his needs…and drawing it just wasn’t working for me.

Then..my favorite site ever came to my rescue  with Sketch-Up101 Now maybe I can finally learn how to use it

So, as 462 tells me I have been the suck at blogging.   2010 is really kind of a blur.  On the one hand…it drug on and on.  But in other ways it flew by too.   Of course, 462 has been deployed since Feb of 2010 so that is part of why it seemed to drag on and on, but him being gone forced me into doing other things to keep myself busy and the Princess and the Teen alive. lol

In 2010 I lost almost 60lbs.  Went down 4 dress sizes.  That equaled a lot of shopping for new clothes.

In 2010 I was SERIOUSLY involved in the Teen’s running.  By seriously, I mean I am now the Co-President of the Track Team Booster Club AND Co-President of the Cross Country Booster club.  This means I am at the school a lot.  Sometimes I think I am at the school more as a parent, than I was as a student (yes, the Teen goes to the same high school I did)  I also help with a lot of fundraising. Who am I kidding with a lot..I do most of it (along with my BFF who happens to be my Co-President) Which means…a lot of Wal-Mart bucket drives, a lot of bagging, just a lot of shit period. It’s a good thing I love most of these kids =o)

In 2010 I learned how to build, and ohhh how I love it.  So far since August, I have built, a coffee table, a desk for the Teen, a desk for the Princess, a chair for the Princess’s desk, shelves for the Teen computer cave, shelves for my living room and the Princess’s room, dvd stand, a corner cabinet, a doll house for the Princess, and other little shelves and wood/crafty things for Christmas presents for people.  It is exhilarating to use a saw, whether it be a circular saw, jig saw (which I suck at) a table saw, or a little mitre saw.  I have many more things that I want to make, just have to plan it out, lumber can get kind of expensive.

In 2010 my grandfather found out he had pancreatic cancer.  Thankfully in July (2 months after he was dx) I was able to take my mom and both kids to VA to see him.  Then in Oct, just 6 months after he was dx, my grandfather lost his battle.  It was very hard.  I don’t want to say it was unexpected, because of course, we knew it could, and likely at some point would happen, but the timing was.  I just thought we would have more time.  In a bittersweet twist, 462 was home on his 2 week R&R when it happened, so thankfully I didn’t have to go through it without him. But, it also meant we spent pretty much a week of his 2 weeks home traveling and me being miserable.

In 2010 or actually towards the end of 2009 I think, I welcomed ambien back to my bed, which meant I was no longer staying up till 2 or 3 oclock in the morning reading.  Sadly, this cut the amount of books I read in 2010 WAY down.  Well, all the other shit I had going on helped as well.  I still read maybe 40 books in 2010, but that is way down.

So, in 2011  462 comes home!!!!!

I hope to keep losing weight.

I will naturally be busy with the track and XC teams

I will be building a lot of furniture =o)

And, I will be going back to doing reading challenges to help rid me of the 100+ books that I have accumulated, and am even curbing adding too many new ones.  Ok, so I am going to try to curb…but if a new book in a must read series comes out, well I have to get it, and yes there are quite a few must read series’ out there!!

I also hope to blog more.  Really.  I will try.  Hard.

Happy 2011